I Can’t Be Saved

driving through the city

with my windows down

—

i feel freedom pass

as i stick my head

out the window

—

headed towards

the freeway

with a fleet

of flashing lights

—

the irony

of freedom—

—

the freeway

is the same road

that costs

the flashing lights

—

they talk

about freedom

like it’s this

giant place

—

and heaven

like a place

where we go

to reap

our mistakes

—

living with

the idea

that if we move

with enough grace

—

god’s judgment

might grant us

eternity

—

that thought

just graces

my mind

—

i’ve believed

almost everything

is divine

—

every emotion

that controls me

—

every situation

and every woman

pulling at me—

—

something

intertwined

with fate

—

i can’t

be saved

—

there’s no one

who can help me

or point me

somewhere

—

when my roads

already be calling me

where they’re at

—

there is

no way back

—

the gears

never switch

in reverse

—

the same way

i’ve been living

since my mother

gave me birth

—

i can’t

be saved

—

there is

no way

—

and my mom

keeps complaining

that i’m

too negative

—

that thinking

too logically

isn’t the answer

—

that i need

to seek out god

and start

to pray

—

contradicting

my ways

—

and the way

praise can become

misunderstood

negligence

—

when prayer

becomes a reason

to wait

for what your hands

refuse to change

—

but how

can i face her

without taking

her words

as an attack

—

when maybe

there’s truth

sitting in that

—

i used

to react

emotionally

—

never logically

—

it took me

too much time

to reach that

—

so now

every word

against my thinking

feels like someone

trying to take me back

—

but i can’t

get used

to feedback

—

when i see

the same people

pray

—

while nothing

in their lives

has changed

—

one finger

pointed

at me

—

three pointed

right back

in their face

—

but maybe

that’s the problem

—

we keep looking

for who needs

to be corrected

—

instead of asking

what neither of us

has changed

—

maybe logic

without faith

can leave me

without grace

—

and prayer

without movement

can leave you

in the same place

—

only to realize

—

i can’t

be saved

—

there is

no way

—

stuck between

the road

that calls me

—

and the god

they say

can change me


— Mr. Mak


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