already implied

 i guess


it was already implied.


—


the disguise joke.


the laughing.


the fast replies.


the


booooo


because i wouldn’t see you.


—


all while


something


was already implied.


—


i guess


i got


the wrong disguise.


—


funny.


i spent all day


trying to figure out


why things


pass me by.


—


then life


decided


to show me


in a parking lot.


—


the visual


still stuck


in my head.


—


passenger seat.


—


and suddenly—


everything


felt loud.


—


my legs


went numb.


voice shaking.


mind racing


trying to make peace


with something


that owed me


no explanation.


—


and that’s


the strangest part.


—


you owed me


nothing.


—


not loyalty.


not promises.


not devotion.


—


shit—


not even


an explanation.


—


and still—


there’s pain


in my heart.


—


grief


in between


me


and my beliefs.


—


because


you used to


clarify


this


and that.


—


so tell me—


how you gon


clarify


this?


—


this hurt.


this rage.


this jealousy.


this quiet feeling


of


damn.


—


because i realized


something


i didn’t expect.


—


i cared.


more than


i thought.


—


and somehow—


the part


that hurts


the most


isn’t even


the passenger seat.


—


it’s feeling


stupid


for trying.


—


for investing


pieces of myself


into something


i never really had.


—


because


i don’t know


how to care


halfway.


—


and maybe


that’s the problem.


—


i start


imagining


possibility


while life


is still


deciding.


—


and shit—


maybe


that’s why


this hurts.


—


because


i don’t know


how to stand


beside competition.


—


the moment


competition


exists—


something


inside me


goes quiet.


—


not because


i think


i’ll lose.


—


but because


i could never


see myself


being


just another option.


—


i could never


stand in line


hoping


to be chosen.


—


and maybe


that’s pride.


maybe


self respect.


maybe


hurt


trying to rename itself.


—


i don’t know.


—


all i know


is—


this one


got me


saying


damn.


—


not you too.


—


or maybe—


not you.


—


just


too many


yous.


— Mr. Mak


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