fever dream

scrolling through my phone,
searching for memories—


’cause nowadays
it just feels like a fever dream


to be living
everything you ever wrote out to be.


doesn’t seem all fairytale
when you’re caught in between.


i feel like i’m getting higher,
i can’t stop myself
from pedalling.


all of the previous accomplishments
seem to be losing weight.


that act of moving on
feels like a better place.


i don’t know
if i will ever settle for anything less
than what feels right.


and lately—


opportunity is everywhere.


women.


options.


energy.


rooms i could walk into
and never be the same after.


but my mind still dwells
on places


where emotional chapters
are ending.


not because i want
to go back.


going back
is never an option.


but i wish
i could relive
a couple things twice—


standing
where i am now.


not to change a thing.


just to feel it
knowing what i know now.


and i don’t know
if my relationships
will ever be the same—


all my brothers
say they love me.


and i believe them.


but friendships
change too.


friends smiling
in my face—


and i wonder,


is it genuine?


or jealousy
disguised as support?


envy
wearing a smile?


people clapping for you,


while quietly wondering
why it wasn’t them.


but are my words
really the shit
they be going up for?


or do they only hear
the parts
that sound like victory?


do they understand
the weight of my words?


the weight
of the armour
i carry


when nobody’s around
to help me hold it?


’cause sometimes
i feel overlooked


by the same people
standing closest to me.


like they see the rise,


but miss
what it costs


to keep becoming.


like they hear me speak,


but don’t always
hear me out.


maybe that’s just
what growing looks like.


loving people
while realizing
they won’t always understand you.


’cause i know
i’m building my team.


i got clear visions
of glass clinks,


sitting in places
we could only dream of,


steak cut thick
on white plates,


gold forks
beside crystal glasses,


foreigns lined up
outside the restaurant,


like luxury
became the standard


in this game
of kings.


matching chains,
diamonds dancing
in the eyes
of the wise,


while happy families
sit around the table


like all the pain
finally had somewhere
beautiful to go.


but lately—


i’ve been thinking
about getting older.


how strange it is
to look at your parents


and realize—


they’re getting older too.


my dad still sounds the same,


still walks the same,


but somehow
i notice time more now.


my mom asks questions
i never used to hear before.


and somewhere along the way,


the roles started changing.


quietly.


like one day
you wake up


and realize—


you’re not just the son anymore.


you’re the man now.


the one
they lean on.


the one
whose words carry weight.


and i wonder—


if i become everything
i ever said i would,


if my words really start changing
the people i love,


if the rooms get bigger,


the dinners louder,


the dreams closer—


do they love me
for me?


or the version of me
that finally made life easier?


so who’s the one
to revisit the past,


if the feeling
everlasts—


do stories about success
forever change—


and nothing
will ever be the same? 


— Mr. Mak




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