back in choice

 back in choice


i didn’t need an answer


i needed contrast


because somewhere along the way


a simple moment

became loaded


a hello

became strategy


a look

became evidence


a dap

became something to measure


and i didn’t like that


because that isn’t me


that’s not presence


that’s attachment

wearing observation’s clothes


i was no longer just seeing


i was checking


watching


waiting


trying to understand

what something meant


before it even had the chance

to just be


and that’s how loops work


they don’t trap you

with nothing


they trap you

with almost


enough to remember


not enough to move


enough to feel


not enough to stand on


so i kept circling


not because i didn’t know better


but because my body

was still holding moments


my mind

had already outgrown


then something simple happened


a normal conversation


no pressure


no history


no weight


just presence

meeting presence


questions


laughter


a book cover


a piece read out loud


a clean response


and nothing in me

needed to force meaning onto it


that’s when i saw it


interaction

doesn’t have to be a courtroom


not every exchange

needs a verdict


not every woman

is a test


not every moment

has to prove something


sometimes


you say hey


or you don’t


you talk


or you don’t


you move


or you don’t


and none of it

gets to decide who you are


that’s choice


not pretending

you don’t feel anything


not acting cold

to look detached


choice


as in


i can feel something

and still not be ruled by it


i can notice something

and still not chase it


i can care

without turning care

into a cage


because the moment

only owns me


when i make it

the measure of me


and mid-moment


i caught myself


i saw what i was doing


and i refused


to do that anymore


i’m back in choice


not because everything changed


but because i did


the loop was still there

if i wanted to step into it


but i didn’t have to


and that’s the difference


i can greet


or keep walking


i can speak


or stay quiet


i can let the moment pass


without making it mean

i lost anything


because i’m not here

to be chosen

by a moment


i’m here

to choose myself


inside of it


and maybe that’s what changed


my mind hates loops


it always has


anything unresolved

tries to pull me back


make me circle


make me search


make me turn a moment

into a maze


but this time


i caught it


i saw the loop

while i was still inside it


and i closed it


not in weeks


not after another sign


not after another almost


in a day


because my awareness

moved faster


than the attachment


— Mr. Mak


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