when music heals back

 i feel like every song i used to listen to when i was going through it —

hurting, sad, coping, drowned in my own thoughts —

i’m listening to those same songs again…


but now it’s from the other side.


like i’m rewatching the same movie,

same scenes,

same soundtrack…

just not the same character anymore.


before, those songs were survival.

they were oxygen.

i clung to every lyric just to feel understood.


now i’m hearing them without the heaviness.


it’s like i get to experience the emotion

without being swallowed by it.


i’m smiling through songs i used to cry to.


i’m free from the pain,

so i can finally feel the beauty of the emotion itself.


grief turned into joy.

weight turned into wisdom.

what used to break me

now reminds me how far I’ve come.


and the crazy part?


the song i’m listening to right now is

“Lost Appetite” by Cap1talA


and i actually messaged him a while back,

back when i was deep in it,

just to tell him:


“yo, you're shit hit me right in the chest. you’re him keeping doing you man.”


and he responded of course, can’t not acknowledge my presence. haha jk.


i knew it then, and i know it now

that moment is gonna age beautifully.


back then, i was listening to survive.

now i’m listening to reflect.


the same lyrics.

a new life.


i’m not in the pain anymore —

i’m observing it.


i’m not the character drowning in the scene —

i’m the narrator who made it through.


oooooooffffffffff


this is wild.


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